a little something…

See if I care, flat out, see if I care, if I care about you, if I care about this or that, and I’ll lie, hold my words at bay, smile outward, pain inward, and I put my heart on my sleeve and make my legs work, one step at a time and hold my head high, and eyes locked forward. I don’t wear my heart on my sleeve, legs like concrete that wont budge, head bowed low and my eyes close, I’ve given up and the world still turns, I cant breathe and the world still turns, and no matter how much I scream inside my head, its barricaded by the walls of my silence, keeping my voice down and my words to myself, doesn’t matter any more, never really did, and I close my eyes again and let the world move forward, I let myself slip back, back when it was quiet and you were that silence I longed for, the touch that quieted all the commotion in my head, the calm my body ached for, the simple things, the softer side of my own mind, and I breathe slowly letting it pour over me, filling in the dents and soothing the pain in the gashes, left me with nothing more than easily healing bruises, but now the healing is reversed the slow motion of healing and I’m waiting, waiting for it all to stop, the world to stop, turning, it keeps going, and no matter how hard I swim I cannot fight through the current, the undertow dragging me down, and gasps that fill my lung with the burning of the salt, the coldness of the water, I let myself drown, only to find I can breathe underwater, swim below the current, and fight the undertow till it bends to my will and brings me to the surface, there I leave it to walk on the water, my lungs empty, I fill them with the heat of the sun and the coolness of the sweet breeze that finds its way across the water, and this is my mind, drowning and reviving and drowning again, impossible cycle to break, impossible to pass through, impossible to survive yet survive I do, but for what.

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