During my last session with my psychiatrist, I was being “very honest and open” according to my doctor, “like never before.” I don’t like to think I hold back, but I do. I guess this particular visit I was sort of worn down, and more than a little tired, so I wasn’t thinking ahead of the curve of my brain/mouth filter. Truth was just sort of spilling out.
Author Archive
About Author
Katie Bongiorno
Katie is a self identified out and proud transsexual woman, and a lesbian. She currently resides in Westchester, north of NYC, working for a major hospital in New York City as a Junior System Administrator. In her "spare" time, she likes to rebuild old computer systems and give them to friends and acquaintances (mostly other trans women) who lack a computer, as well as road bicycling, and daydreaming about building all manner of mildly complex items from kayaks to bows. When not doing these particular things, she often can be found taking apart just about anything she thinks she can get away with destroying for the sake of hacking, modifying, and tinkering. The most frequent victim of these assaults is usually her car. Often, she is wearing a dress or skirt far too nice (and possibly short) for the job on a mechanic's creeper, sticking halfway out from under the car like the Wicked Witch of the East. I mean, really now, how many girls do you know who change their oil in a Michael Kors dress?
25 Sep 2012
Religion and Mental Illness: A Personal Evaluation
Some might say that religion is just a manifestation of mental illness (I’m looking at you, Richard Dawkins), or literally call your religious beliefs “crazy.” When you think about it, it is actually pretty crazy to literally believe that a man can walk on water, or that G-d speaks through a burning bush, or that […]
17 Sep 2012
Fear of Addiction and the Fall Into Alcoholism
My first experience drinking beer (well, aside from the time my mother’s brother gave me a drink when I was like five telling me it was soda – I spit it back out on him) was at a neighbor’s party when I was 20 or so. Up until that point, I’d never had a beer, and didn’t even like the smell of it. Over the next year and a half of knowing him, I found an affinity for beer, in relatively limited quantities, anyway.
13 Sep 2012
Mental Illness and Romantic Rejection
“I just don’t think I could handle that kind of rejection.” – George McFly
When you’re a little obsessed with your own mistakes, and you can replay every stupid thing you’ve ever said in your head, dozens or hundreds of times, until you become the biggest idiot in the world and can prove it mathematically, you tend to take some things a little harshly. Romantic rejection isn’t easy for anyone, but experiencing it with a healthy dose of depression and obsession is a whole lot less fun.
22 Aug 2012
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy – A Primer
Trigger Warning: Mention of self-harm and suicide
Approaching therapy without really knowing where you’re going or why you’re doing what you’re doing can be scary, and at times, feel thoroughly futile. I know – I’ve been there, and I’ve done that. My feelings about my therapy ranged from a desperate need for it to work, to a feeling that my problems could never be resolved, to now, the light of day as I find myself from time to time using the techniques I’ve been taught and working to control my emotions.
19 Jul 2012
My Experience with Bullying (Katie)
Trigger Warning: Bullying, School Violence
I had never even met these kids before. One of them came up to me while I was at my locker and just said “Whatchu been sayin’ about my mama?” I had no idea what he was talking about – I’d never even seen him to my recollection. So I basically ignored him and went back to dealing with my locker.
18 Jul 2012
Trans Activism and Burnout
Over the past few years, I’ve worked hard to try to participate in activism that was relevant to my interests and identities, and also to recruit others into that activism. Trans folk, and trans women in particular, have long had an inclination and good reason to hide from society, to “go stealth” as we call it in the community. Societal pressures pushed us into a permanent closet that more closely resembled a mausoleum than the relative comfort of the closet. Our past was dead and our present remained cold and isolated, with few if any places we could reveal our history in a safe and confidential space.
13 Jul 2012
HALT! Take Some Time to Think!
HALT: Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired. You should never make any important decision when you are any of these things.
11 Jul 2012
Suicide: An Emotional Tsunami
The thing with suicide, though, is that it isn’t just a single event. It’s a trigger event that sets off waves of destruction, and even those who aren’t directly linked to that person, who aren’t close to them, are affected, and the ripple effects are wide spread and devastating to everyone within reach. We’re all affected, particularly in the queer community, and doubly so in the trans community.
03 Jul 2012
My Experience With Ambien
Upon arriving which was already somewhat late, she gave me a small ziploc bag with an Ambien in it in case I had difficulty getting to sleep. I told her that was almost a guarantee, and so she suggested I take it as soon as I got settled for bed. Settling into the remarkably comfortable bed, I opened my laptop and checked Facebook again, checking in with people one more time for that awful day, and let a few close friends know I was staying with someone for the night and I was safe. I took the Ambien with the rest of my meds, and rolled over to try to sleep.