The beast in me

There is a beast in me, lying in wait to break through. When it does, it appears in the form of anger, frustration, fear, and anxiety. This beast likes to show up and the most inconvenient times. Simple things like having a phone conversation or leaving a message on a machine, going to the grocery store and having to go through the check out line, or ordering food in a drive-through. There are many more things, but with all of these, my anxiety reaches levels so high that I am afraid, which causes frustration and in the end leaves me angry. Not angry at anyone or anything, just myself. I am angry because I am anxious, I’m angry because I’m scared, I’m angry because I have lost self control. Trying to compose myself in response to my anxiety is not impossible although it feels like it. I try my hardest to keep a level head while every cell in my body is screaming profanities at the world. This anxiety is with me every moment of everyday. I have no control of it or when it’s going to rear its ugly head. It seems impossible, but I’m anxious that I’m going to be anxious. It’s a never ending cycle. I just want off this roller coaster that is continuously flying around, barely holding on to it’s track. I’ve tried many things to get rid of my anxiety, but I still have not found a sure cure. It is eating me alive, I wonder how long I can stand this before I give up.

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  1. By Jordan

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