When I was in middle school, taking sex-ed classes, I had assumed I was straight. I was not aware of any options other than straight and gay. I had no feelings for any (cis)women, so I had to be straight. Never mind that I had no feelings for any (cis)men, either. Straight was the default, so I was straight.
To that end, I found it easy to keep those ridiculous abstinence pledges the sex ed teachers expected us to make. I didn’t comprehend why it was hard to stay abstinent, because I never had to engage in a futile battle with my non-existent sex drive. I didn’t even know why other people found sex good, since I was only taught the bad aspects of sex.
It wasn’t until later on in high school that I figured out the truth. At that point, the only partners I’ve had were ones where a third party set me up with them, so I played along. I learned about asexuality online. I connected the dots and realized that I was asexual, rather than straight. This did not seem earth-shattering when I discovered it.
In some regards, it’s easier being asexual than it is to be sexual. I’ll never know what it’s like to feel sexually frustrated. I’ll never get questioned on my choice in partner. I’ll never know how much it hurts to be rejected. But I’ll also never know what it’s like to be more than friends with someone. Even if I forced myself to have sex, I’ll never understand why it’s so pleasurable. I’ll never have the experience to write a good romance novel.
Sometimes, I feel like a walking stereotype. I’m disabled. Disabled people are not allowed to be sexual. After all, disabled people are like children, and childen aren’t sexual. I’m autistic. Autistic people are socially inept people who’ll never understand sex. I feel bad that I fit people’s preconceptions so easily. It feels like I’m making things more difficult for the many people with disabilities who are sexual.
Yet, as someone who appears to be a woman, I exist for cisman’s pleasure. I’m supposed to dress up sexy, but not too sexy, and have sex, but not too much sex. Otherwise, I’m a frigid bitch who’ll never get laid. Like that’s a bad thing. Even people who accept gay men and lesbians don’t accept asexuals. I’ve once had someone ask me whether I liked men or women. “None of the above” was not an acceptable answer.
Also, I cannot be certain that my asexuality is even “real”. I’ve had depression for most of my post-pubescent life. Depression decreases a person’s sex drive. So do some depression meds. How do I know my entire sexuality isn’t just a side effect or a symptom?
By the way, you know how homosexuality used to exist in the DSM? Asexuality is still in there, as of the DSM-5. Look up both Female Sexual Interest/Arousal Disorder and Male Hypoactive Sexual Desire Disorder. You might have noticed them on your way to Gender Dysphoria.