Seven years ago I got tired of living my life the way I was. I couldn’t stop drinking, smoking, eating or doing drugs. I was sick constantly. I was living in harmful situations with toxic people, and each and every day was exactly the same. My only respite was to go out and get loaded again.
alcohol Archive
13 Jul 2012
HALT! Take Some Time to Think!
HALT: Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired. You should never make any important decision when you are any of these things.
03 Jul 2012
My Experience With Ambien
Upon arriving which was already somewhat late, she gave me a small ziploc bag with an Ambien in it in case I had difficulty getting to sleep. I told her that was almost a guarantee, and so she suggested I take it as soon as I got settled for bed. Settling into the remarkably comfortable bed, I opened my laptop and checked Facebook again, checking in with people one more time for that awful day, and let a few close friends know I was staying with someone for the night and I was safe. I took the Ambien with the rest of my meds, and rolled over to try to sleep.
27 Jun 2012
Ambien Quick Facts
Ambien is a powerful prescription sleep medication, in addition to being classified as a controlled substance in the United States. It is used to treat insomnia and poor sleep quality, usually prescribed by a psychiatrist as opposed to a primary care or family physician. It falls under the drug category of sedative-hypnotics and functions as a CNS depressant, working by slowing activity in the brain.
18 May 2012
My Experience with Schizoaffective Disorder (Ava)
Trigger warning for description of psychotic hallucinations, mentions of drug addiction & alcoholism
Schizoaffective Disorder, a fusion between Bipolar Disorder and Schizophrenia, combines the symptoms of both. I was diagnosed with it three years ago after a lifetime of Bipolar I with psychotic symptoms. I could say the results were shattering, but in a way the diagnosis was a relief: to have a name for the paranoia, the white vans following me whenever I left the house, an explanation for the voices, the dialogue constantly critiquing my actions. The schizophrenic break came that terrifying summer after graduating from an MFA program with no prospects and huge debt, but perhaps I should begin at the beginning.
30 Nov 2011
Redesigning the Rollercoaster
Trigger warnings for discussions of drug addiction, alcoholism, sexual assault, suicide, and other possibly sensitive issues.
My experiences with mental health and sexuality have been just that. Rollercoasters. Rollercoasters of self discovery, of emotion, of fear and shame, of love and experience. Always traveling up and down throughout my life. Here’s the shortest story that I could condense these parts of my life into.
23 Nov 2011
Coming Out and Breaking Down
After I sobered up, I started realizing pretty quickly that I was at least as attracted to women as I was to men. Not that I didn’t already know that, but now I knew it in a way that I could feel. It wasn’t about having loaded sex with anyone I could get my hands on anymore. It was about feeling things in my mind and body and relating to them.
31 Oct 2011
What To Do When Nothing’s Working
I am going to attempt to make this useful, even though a large part of the focus of this article is to release frustration. I also hope that this will be of some help to others of you who may be suffering, despite your best efforts to get help for yourself. I understand that not […]
10 Sep 2011
Okay, so I have BPD…now what?
Google ‘BPD support resources/groups’ – or something similar – and the results can be pretty daunting if you are someone who actually has been diagnosed with Borderline Personalty Disorder. Most of the supports are for people who have been ‘affected’ by people who have a diagnosis of BPD. And what they have to say isn’t […]
18 Jul 2011
Me!
I’m pretty new to the realm of mental health. At least, I’m pretty new to identifying with a diagnosis (which I currently do), and recognizing it in my life, and embracing it and working on a daily basis towards finding new ways to understand and incorporate it. I’ll start from the sort-of beginning. I am […]