self-doubt Archive

La Tempête Parfaite

I would like to welcome the newest member of our writing team, Brent Jones. In his first post with us, he writes a poem about emotions and self-esteem. Thanks for sharing with us, Brent!

La tempête fait rage dans mon coeur / The perfect storm rages in my heart
Quand les vagues prédestinées du destin rencontrent lentement le fond marin, l’océan dans sa grandeur n’est pas assez grand pour les contenir. / When the predestined waves of fate met the gradually shaped bottom of the sea floor, the ocean in its greatness was not big enough to contain it.

A Root Issue Found, Questions Remain

During my last session with my psychiatrist, I was being “very honest and open” according to my doctor, “like never before.” I don’t like to think I hold back, but I do. I guess this particular visit I was sort of worn down, and more than a little tired, so I wasn’t thinking ahead of the curve of my brain/mouth filter. Truth was just sort of spilling out.

My Experience With Borderline Personality Disorder (Breyonne)

I am a 33 year old woman. I received a diagnosis about a year and a half ago of Borderline Personality Disorder. At first I didn’t really understand what it was. I thought, Isn’t what I have more serious than that? I was pretty sure I had something else, something more recognizable. Something I’d actually heard of, for instance. Turns out it’s serious enough. On top of the shitstorm of feelings and thoughts I have on a daily basis, professionals are reluctant to treat people with BPD. We’re notorious for being ‘hard to deal with’.

Sadie

We dance together, she and I. Sadie possesses the power to make everything good. Unlike me. I am the dark child, the tortured soul. She is a luminary, a child of the sun, grace personified. I can’t imagine what the world must look like from her point of view. So free, so unencumbered…she never says anything, never makes me feel bad. It’s part of her charm. But secretly I’m always waiting for her to leave me, to realize she’s too good for me, to get tired of my slow starts and spiraling moods and self-deprecation.