In 1988, when I had just turned 14, I made the life changing mistake of trying to figure out what I was using the materials I had on hand. In this case, it was a copy of the book written by Dr. David Reuben in 1968, “Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex* (But Were Afraid to Ask).” The book came from my mother’s top shelf on adult topics, and for a kids just hitting puberty and dying slowly with the changes, I needed answers. Namely, why did puberty feel so wrong, why did I feel a need to be female, and why did I pray every night to wake up right.

Tags: bias, denial, dignity, Dr. Ray Blanchard, Everything You Always Wanted To Know About Sex* (But Were Afraid To Ask), gender identity, Internet, loss, psychiatrists, psychiatry, sexual orientation, therapists, transgender, transphobia

Editor’s note: this is a continuation of Fuck. Schizoaffective?

It’s been two months since my diagnosis. Two months to process the psychosis, the diagnosis. Two months to adjust to new medication.

Tags: attention span, bipolar disorder, caffeine, careers, delusions, diagnosis, dignity, disability, dizziness, drooling, fears, gender identity, hearing voices, heart condition, insomnia, intelligence, mania, medication, mood swings, partners, psychosis, QueerMentalHealth.org, restlessness, risperidone, runny nose, schizoaffective disorder, schizophrenia, seroquel, stigma, tea, tiredness, transition, what if game