Hi Dad,
It is time to address the last sticking point in my transition. I don’t need to remind you that I am making the single biggest step in this journey in three weeks (and yes, I’m absolutely certain). If required, I will go into greater detail, but you don’t want that and I’m not excited to have to.
Trigger Warning: Transphobia, Murder, Hate, Suicide
This is the time of year I dread. I wish we lived in a world where we didn’t need a day like the Transgender Day of Remembrance, but we do. And the numbers are staggering, growing each year. Not because more trans people are being murdered now than ever before (though that may also be the case), but because more victims are being recognized and identified as transgender, and more of these crimes are being reported and recognized as crimes.
Trigger Warning: physically and sexually violent imagery, transphobia
I recently moved to Boston from NYC. Moving can be stressful for a variety of reasons. As a trans man with mental illness, it can be especially stressful for me to try to make sure all of my healthcare continues without gaps.
Today is the day we remember all the trans people murdered in the last year. This year there are 61 names. This is the highest number of any year to date. I want to take a moment of silence to remember these people.
In 1988, when I had just turned 14, I made the life changing mistake of trying to figure out what I was using the materials I had on hand. In this case, it was a copy of the book written by Dr. David Reuben in 1968, “Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex* (But Were Afraid to Ask).” The book came from my mother’s top shelf on adult topics, and for a kids just hitting puberty and dying slowly with the changes, I needed answers. Namely, why did puberty feel so wrong, why did I feel a need to be female, and why did I pray every night to wake up right.
There was the equivalent of a 8.0 Earthquake in the psychiatric community this past May. Although very few people outside the trans community noticed it, there was a casualty. It’s name was Gender Identity Disorder (GID). The funeral was poorly attended, and the only people mourning it are right wing ideologues and rabidly anti-LGBT organizations who feel that LGBT people need to be as stigmatized as possible by the medical and psychological communities.
I have no beautiful words to share or anything to make the pressing issue of coming out an easier one. I have nothing to offer but the advice I have been given and continue to follow in protection of myself.
It is very much okay to stay in. It is very much okay to find safety in the proverbial closet. Staying in, is in itself, sometimes needed for survival. It is okay to keep your sexuality/lack thereof, gender/lack thereof, tucked away and safe within your chest.
There’s an organization in NYC that I’ve been really interested in joining. It’s called Rainbow Heights Club and its tagline is “Support and Advocacy for Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender Mental Health Consumers.” Sounds great to me! I’ve heard some good things about it over the years from staff and members. Some of the groups sound really interesting to me. They include topics like sex, spirituality, stress, skills, and changing the way mental health services get provided to LGBT people.
This video is based on intake I did with a therapist at the Institute for Human Identity a few years ago. Another trans person had a good experience with a therapist there, but I got assigned to someone else and it didn’t go so well. A lot of the dialogue from the therapist is verbatim what I remember him saying to me. Only some of my responses are accurate to life, though. I didn’t actually tell him he was a jerk, for example, but I found it rather satisfying to do so in this video.
Remember when homosexuality was in the DSM, listed as a mental disorder? Remember when being trans was in there, too, listed as Gender Identity Disorder? (Oh yeah, that last one is still in there!)
