Dissociative Disorders Archive

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  • My Experience with Dissociative Identity Disorder (Lily)

    Trigger Warning: Self-Harm, Abuse, Rape, Human Trafficking

    I’ve been half-aware that I’m multiple since about the age of fourteen, when I started to realise that it really wasn’t usual for people to experience severe blackouts and time loss and memory issues (lasting hours, days, weeks, months and even years); that it wasn’t usual for people to so routinely and constantly be addressed by a completely different name by strangers who will insist that you have met them and that your name is something else; that it wasn’t usual for moods and personalities and tastes to change so drastically and so constantly. I had no word for what I was experiencing; I had no knowledge and no understanding and after about a year of being so, so aware of this I finally told my (then) therapist about those experiences. The result? A long lecture about self-diagnosis and “making up more lies to make my supposed PTSD more believable” followed by being asked about where I had researched Dissociative Identity Disorder and that I did know that it was made up and not real and that nobody would ever believe me. So, for almost ten years I hid it except from a very close friend online and one of my partners (he lived with me so it was very difficult to hide).

    my kitchen smells like food & i hate the smell of food

    nothing fits.
    what makes sense is not what i know.
    i can’t function.
    i am a crazy person.
    there is a bird in my throat trying to sing.
    why can’t it sing?

    Dissociative Identity Poem

    I would like to welcome the newest member of our writing team, Billie Rain. Ze is a wonderful poet who writes about hir experiences with Dissociative Identity Disorder and PTSD. Thanks for sharing with us, Billie!

    How can I write
    a fucking poem
    with everybody fighting
    all the time?

    My Experience with Bipolar II Disorder (Hanners)

    Trigger warning for description of a suicide attempt, and discussion of sexual assault.

    All my life, I’ve been told by those around me that I am highly intelligent, and could do just about anything I set my mind to. I got good grades in school, for the most part (though they dropped a fair bit close to graduating high school), and was known as a happy-go-lucky kid that always found the positive side of just about anything (or anyone).