Self-Injury Archive

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  • Confessions of a First Time Cutter

    I just cut myself, intentionally, for the first time, perhaps only 10 minutes before I started writing this sentence. I am now a cutter. I don’t know if I’ll ever do it again, but I needed to do something, I needed a release. Pressure has been back building in my life for a little bit now, and lately it’s like someone opened the valves wide open. It’s… unpleasant. After a conversation with someone, I hit my limits and I felt outright suicidal.

    When a Friend Threatens to Commit Suicide (Trigger Warnings)

    Trigger Warning: Suicide, Self Harm, Relationship Abuse

    It is three-thirty in the morning here and over the past twenty-four hours I have learnt a harsh lesson. It is a lesson that has left me feeling tired and drained, vulnerable and hurting, awful and selfish. Around twenty-four hours ago, a close friend (an online friend if you feel the need to know) threatened to commit suicide. She posted in a group saying that she could just not handle life any longer, that it was too much and that she was going to kill herself.

    My Experience With Borderline Personality Disorder (Breyonne)

    I am a 33 year old woman. I received a diagnosis about a year and a half ago of Borderline Personality Disorder. At first I didn’t really understand what it was. I thought, Isn’t what I have more serious than that? I was pretty sure I had something else, something more recognizable. Something I’d actually heard of, for instance. Turns out it’s serious enough. On top of the shitstorm of feelings and thoughts I have on a daily basis, professionals are reluctant to treat people with BPD. We’re notorious for being ‘hard to deal with’.

    Crisis Checklist

    Inspired by work people have done on madness maps and mental health first aid kits, I decided to make a checklist/flowchart to use when I am having a particularly hard time or am in crisis. It was a good process for me to make because it helped me to really think about what has helped me or caused me trouble in the past. I really like that we can make these sorts of tools for ourselves instead of relying on more general (often judgmental) dos and don’ts or advice from people who never know us as well as we know ourselves.

    Devotion

    I would like to welcome the newest member of our writing team, Reba Overkill. In its first post with us, it speaks through poetry to recall its struggle with being heard by the people who matter. Thanks for sharing with us, Reba!

    Trigger Warning: allusions to sexual abuse, self-injury & suicide attempts.

    it all came together a few nights ago, weak and bent
    in your lap, feeling lost, feeling like it was years ago when
    i was never anything like the me that you know. i was
    someone who was trying to speak, nobody listened and i didn’t
    understand because i can hear so fucking well, i listened and
    i heard sirens, and songs that i would sing with people who i did
    not end up loving very kindly. i heard calm assertions by
    people in authority that left cracks in parts of me. i heard
    the breath i took in when i woke up and was not dead, even
    for all my trying. i heard people leaving hints for their departure,
    inclining heads towards one-way tickets to not existing.

    HALT! Take Some Time to Think!

    HALT: Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired. You should never make any important decision when you are any of these things.