My Coming Out of the Dreaded Closet

I would like to welcome the newest member of our writing team, Chandler. In his first post with us, he tells his coming out story. Thanks for sharing with us, Chandler!

When I was a young boy, I had the life of many. I played with toys, I broke stuff, I tried to fix stuff, I even stuck a knife into an electrical socket! All boys do this when they are young, they are adventurous and playful. Ages 0-9 were pretty normal or what one would call normal. At age 10 I knew something was up. I felt this weird attraction toward other boys of my same age. I didn’t know what it was so I shrugged it off. I went through all of my pre-teen and teen years knowing something wasn’t right with me. The boys in school turned me on. I hit puberty and all hell broke loose with me. There was a boy in my class, whose name was Brandon. I couldn’t stop looking at him! He made me feel weird inside.

I was born 9 years after my sister was born, I took her attention away. This enraged her and to this day still bothers her, but what makes it really bad is she was looking for anything to get me in trouble. I was a good kid mostly. I got picked up by the cops once for curfew, I was caught smoking and I was caught drinking. Typical guy stuff. You know when you’re sixteen you know everything right? Well I ordered some Blueboy magazines and thought my parents or god forbid my sister wouldn’t see them or notice them. WRONG.

My magazines arrived on a Friday, I was working my first job when they came. I thought all would be ok when I got home, but my mother already had plans. I arrived home around 10pm expecting to have some magazines laying on my bed, instead was a note to come see my mother! Oh no! So I went to go see my mother as instructed and she asked 2 simple questions. 1 are you gay and 2 are you confused. I blew both these questions off and said it was a joke from someone in high school. She didn’t say much after that.

Several years went by and nothing was said to me from my parents. My siblings called me every name under the sun that was derogatory, but I also over looked this. I graduated high school with a GED in 2000 and starting working full time.

I decided in the fall of 2003 I was going to be a chef, I went to school down in Orlando, FL. Orlando, is pretty much the heart of the southern gay scene. I didn’t know this at the time but moving to Orlando was a positive thing. I was 20 and still knew everything. Anyways I got on gay.com and started looking for friends and so on. I found this person whose name was Justin. He said we should hangout because we both liked the same things. Airplanes, good food and again aviation. He and I became close friends quickly. He took me to my first gay bar (Parliament House) first gay days first everything that had to do with homosexuals. I finally knew at this point I was gay.

I came home over Christmas of 2004 and was scared about coming out. I had told myself for the last year that I would come out to the family and see what happened.  On New Years Eve 2004/05 I told my mom I needed to talk. We made a time and space that we would meet one on one. I told her. I finally told her. It was such a relief off my shoulders. She took it very well and said that she had already known for several years. My father also took it pretty good considering. Anyways this is my coming out story. Hope you enjoy.

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