In late June of 2010 our last child, a boy, was born. I could sense the distance between my wife and myself growing even further. Intimacy was non-existent, and she could barely stand to touch me now that I clearly had breasts. I had been blaming it on the pregnancy, but the gulf was widening, and I had no idea how much she really knew (which was in reality almost all of it). I was careless, barely even hiding it because she was so conspicuously ignoring it. At home, I was short fused and out of control, although less so since I quit the reserves.

Tags: adrenaline, anger, anger management, anxiety, blame, bottoming out, comfort, fear, feeling overwhelmed, fight or flight, gender identity, hormones, in the closet, intimacy, military, mood swings, relationships, shame, support groups, therapy, transgender, transition, work performance

Inspired by work people have done on madness maps and mental health first aid kits, I decided to make a checklist/flowchart to use when I am having a particularly hard time or am in crisis. It was a good process for me to make because it helped me to really think about what has helped me or caused me trouble in the past. I really like that we can make these sorts of tools for ourselves instead of relying on more general (often judgmental) dos and don’ts or advice from people who never know us as well as we know ourselves.

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I am going to attempt to make this useful, even though a large part of the focus of this article is to release frustration. I also hope that this will be of some help to others of you who may be suffering, despite your best efforts to get help for yourself. I understand that not [...]

Tags: 12-step groups, addiction, agoraphobia, alcohol, anxiety, BPD, CBT, chosen family, compulsive counting, coping strategies, cutting, dancing, DBT, depression, dissociation, dissociative disorder, eating disorder, existential panic, family, grounding, harm reduction, hospitalization, intrusive thoughts, isolation, mental health care, music, OCD, panic disorder, privilege, psychosis, recovery, recovery groups, rural community, safety planning, school, self-acceptance, self-forgiveness, self-harm, social media, social support, spirituality, substance abuse, suicidal thoughts, support groups, symptom management, triggers, violent imagery, violent thoughts, walking