Editor’s note – this story is continued from On Death, Depression, And The Moments Of Solitude That Follow.
I feel with death, a new journey in life begins. We must relearn how to live for the sake of our livelihoods. For the sake of life itself.
I would like to welcome the newest member of our writing team, Jasper Moriarty. In xyr first post with us, xe discusses xyr struggle with balancing self-care with activist work. Thanks for sharing with us, Jasper!
Trigger Warnings: mention of death and rape threats
Alternatively titled: A Struggle For Balance
My activism is a crucial part of my life, despite my strange relationship with it. It’s not quite splitting (something that happens in Borderline Personality Disorder, where a person is unable to integrate the good and bad qualities of something/someone and therefore keeps them distinctly separate), but I would call it somewhat comparable.
Tags: activism, activism fatigue, activist culture, advocation, aggression, anger, anxiety, balance, BPD, burnout, choosing battles, comfort, community, dedication, depression, emotional resources, emotional strain, empowerment, expectations, habits, making mistakes, motivation, self-care, self-esteem, self-hatred, self-worth, splitting, stability, stress, survival activism, trigger warnings, Tumblr, value2 comments so far
In late June of 2010 our last child, a boy, was born. I could sense the distance between my wife and myself growing even further. Intimacy was non-existent, and she could barely stand to touch me now that I clearly had breasts. I had been blaming it on the pregnancy, but the gulf was widening, and I had no idea how much she really knew (which was in reality almost all of it). I was careless, barely even hiding it because she was so conspicuously ignoring it. At home, I was short fused and out of control, although less so since I quit the reserves.
Tags: adrenaline, anger, anger management, anxiety, blame, bottoming out, comfort, fear, feeling overwhelmed, fight or flight, gender identity, hormones, in the closet, intimacy, military, mood swings, relationships, shame, support groups, therapy, transgender, transition, work performance0 comments
Inspired by work people have done on madness maps and mental health first aid kits, I decided to make a checklist/flowchart to use when I am having a particularly hard time or am in crisis. It was a good process for me to make because it helped me to really think about what has helped me or caused me trouble in the past. I really like that we can make these sorts of tools for ourselves instead of relying on more general (often judgmental) dos and don’ts or advice from people who never know us as well as we know ourselves.
Tags: anxiety, art, BDSM, beauty, body, checklists, comfort, counseling, crisis, crisis checklist, depression, eating, emotions, enjoyment, exercise, fear, flowcharts, friends, games, hormones, hunger, hypnotic, illness, injury, insomnia, isolation, journaling, laundry, loneliness, madness map, madness maps, manageability, massage, medication, meditation, mental health, mental health first aid kits, messy apartments, misanthropy, museums, music, pain, painkillers, panic, parks, pets, projects, psych meds, psychiatrists, QueerMentalHealth.org, responsibility, rest, restlessness, self-fear, self-harm, self-help, self-help books, sex, showering, sleep, sleeping environment, snacks, social activities, stair climbing, stress, supplements, support groups, symptoms, task management, tea, The Icarus Project, therapists, therapy, tools, vulnerability, withdrawal, yoga1 comment
The last few weeks have been chaotic for me. I’ve been in a mixed episode, and starting last week, I’ve been hearing voices. Whispers, chatter, and someone calling my name. All either alone, or only with my partner nearby, and she’s confirmed that they aren’t things that she’s heard. I’ve also been feeling like the crows that wake me up in the morning are mocking me. I’ve known for months that something like this was inevitable, but it’s still jarring to experience a psychotic episode for your first time.
Tags: Abilify, agitation, antipsychotic, anxiety, atypical antipsychotics, bipolar disorder, bipolar II disorder, challenges, comfort, confusion, crying, delusions, depression, diagnosis, dosages, emotional support, emotions, family, family support, fear, free choice, hearing voices, honesty, hospitalization, hypomania, informed consent, irritation, lamictal, lamotrigine, mania, medication, mixed episodes, mood, numbness, Oppression Olympics, partners, privacy, psychiatrists, psychosis, quality of life, queer-friendly doctors, relationships, schizoaffective disorder, schizophrenia, sedation, self-harm, seroquel, stigma, suicidal thoughts, support, symptoms, therapy, thought processes0 comments
I’m in a DBT group right now. It’s comprised of four modules, and I just finished my second, which is distress tolerance. Of all the things I could possibly say about it, the most accurate would be that it’s a lot of work. Think of it this way: it’s a lot of practicing things that are aimed at reducing distress, regardless of what mood or state of mind one might be in. Thankfully my emotions are still pretty distressing on a regular basis, so I was able to more or less have something to compare the results to.
Tags: activities, anger, angry music, anxiety, appealing to the senses, avoidance, binge eating, breathing exercises, comfort, DBT, depression, distress, distress tolerance, eating disorders, emotions, gaining perspective, guilt, improving the moment, jealousy, letting go, loud music, mantras, meditation, mental exercises, mindfulness, mood, music, nature, panic, prayer, pros and cons, purging, purpose, radical acceptance, reaching out, religion, sadness, safety, self soothing, self-destructiveness, senses, shame, spirituality, stress, television, therapists, therapy, volunteering, wise mind0 comments
Editor’s note: This story mentions some severe triggers. Please be careful about reading this story if you are easily triggered by the topics mentioned in our trigger warning.
Trigger warnings: Abuse, including torture and child sexual assault, forced confinement, rape, violence, bullying, and hate crimes.
Yesterday/today was/is a great day. A day to celebrate. Any day that slaps me upside my head and and asks, “WTF you bitching about?” is always a great day!
Tags: abuse, acceptance, bullying, child abuse, child sexual abuse, comfort, communication, consent, denial, depression, distress tolerance, emotional abuse, emotional violence, faith, feeling alone, fighting, forced confinement, friendships, frustration, gender identity, gender variance, guilt, hate crimes, homophobia, intersection, intersex, lesbian, non-consent, optimism, parenthood, perspective, physical abuse, PTSD, punishment, rape, religion, safety, sarcasm, self-acceptance, self-esteem, self-hatred, sexual abuse, sexual assault, stress, stressful events, survival, therapists, torture, transgender, violence, workplace bullying2 comments so far