In 1988, when I had just turned 14, I made the life changing mistake of trying to figure out what I was using the materials I had on hand. In this case, it was a copy of the book written by Dr. David Reuben in 1968, “Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex* (But Were Afraid to Ask).” The book came from my mother’s top shelf on adult topics, and for a kids just hitting puberty and dying slowly with the changes, I needed answers. Namely, why did puberty feel so wrong, why did I feel a need to be female, and why did I pray every night to wake up right.

Tags: bias, denial, dignity, Dr. Ray Blanchard, Everything You Always Wanted To Know About Sex* (But Were Afraid To Ask), gender identity, Internet, loss, psychiatrists, psychiatry, sexual orientation, therapists, transgender, transphobia

I have no beautiful words to share or anything to make the pressing issue of coming out an easier one. I have nothing to offer but the advice I have been given and continue to follow in protection of myself.

It is very much okay to stay in. It is very much okay to find safety in the proverbial closet. Staying in, is in itself, sometimes needed for survival. It is okay to keep your sexuality/lack thereof, gender/lack thereof, tucked away and safe within your chest.

Tags: coming out, gender identity, homophobia, identity, privacy, safe spaces, safety, self-care, self-respect, sexual orientation, shame, survival, transphobia, violence

I would like to welcome the newest member of our writing team, Chandler. In his first post with us, he tells his coming out story. Thanks for sharing with us, Cascadia!

When I was a young boy, I had the life of many. I played with toys, I broke stuff, I tried to fix stuff, I even stuck a knife into an electrical socket! All boys do this when they are young, they are adventurous and playful. Ages 0-9 were pretty normal or what one would call normal. At age 10 I knew something was up. I felt this weird attraction toward other boys of my same age. I didn’t know what it was so I shrugged it off. I went through all of my pre-teen and teen years knowing something wasn’t right with me. The boys in school turned me on. I hit puberty and all hell broke loose with me. There was a boy in my class, whose name was Brandon. I couldn’t stop looking at him! He made me feel weird inside.

Tags: adolescence, alcohol, being closeted, childhood, coming out, confusion, drinking, family, fear, gay, gay bars, gay porn, Gay.com, graduation, growing up, in the closet, parents, pornography, puberty, relief, sexual orientation, siblings, smoking, stigma

I would like to welcome the newest member of our writing team, Yael Cohen. In her first post with us, she tells her story of battling with depression. Thanks for sharing with us, Yael!

Trigger Warnings: Suicidal ideation, rape, sexual assault

I havent always been this way, when I was younger I like to think I was a pretty normal, what we would now refer to as a gender fluid child. I was born with an intersex spectrum disorder. My depression started when I was about eight, as at the time I was being raped by a family “friend.” This would lead later to a diagnosis of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (at age 9) and Major Depressive Illness (at age 16) after a stay in the psychiatric ward for suicidal ideation. To top it off I spent much of my formative years in hospitals as I was born with several problems physically. Just to add to my depressed mood.

Tags: anxiety, BC Ambulance, community, depression, ER admissions, fear, flashbacks, gender fluidity, gender identity, hospitalization, hospitals, identity, intersex, involuntary hospitalization, Major Depressive Disorder, men, Mental Health Act, mood, physical illness, police, Prozac, psychiatrists, PTSD, rape, RCMP, sex, sexual assault, sexual orientation, suicidal thoughts, suicide, suicide attempts, therapists, transgender

It wasn’t until later on in high school that I figured out the truth. At that point, the only partners I’ve had were ones where a third party set me up with them, so I played along. I learned about asexuality online. I connected the dots and realized that I was asexual, rather than straight. This did not seem earth-shattering when I discovered it.

Tags: abstinence pledges, asexuality, depression, disability, DSM, DSM-V, gender, preconceptions, sex, sex drive, sexual orientation, sexuality, steretypes

Remember when homosexuality was in the DSM, listed as a mental disorder? Remember when being trans was in there, too, listed as Gender Identity Disorder? (Oh yeah, that last one is still in there!)

Tags: delusions, gender identity, Gender Identity Disorder, homophobia, humour, internalized homophobia, internalized transphobia, mental illness, pathologization, religion, satire, sexual orientation, stigma, transphobia