psychosis Archive

Trauma is Trauma

Trigger Warning: graphic description of psychotic episode, violence

Does it change your view to know that I live with schizophrenia, and when the police came, there was no evidence anyone had broken in, no blood, no man? That’s where it gets tough. This experience, and other similarly intense experiences, are discounted because the general population doesn’t see them as ‘real’.

Behavioral Health Unit at Kaiser

This minutiae that overwhelms the function of my brain combined with me as a person with a slight tendency towards obsessive compulsiveness equals my current predicament. Stir into this a diagnosis of Bipolar disorder and you have me at the junction of a mood change.

I just want to be Ok…

Trigger Warning: Descriptions of intense anxiety and depression.

It sneaks up and burns my heart like someone poured acid into my chest. This acid is my depression, abandonment issues, severe anxiety, and the fear of both. Most of the time they pop up without provocation. No reason for the anxiety, no cause for depression, and no one around to abandon me.

My Experience with Wicca and Pagan Spirituality

When they asked us in rehab that March of 2013 what our spirituality consisted of, I said that is was “Somewhere between yoga and fireflies.” I was getting very into yoga. I felt that the states of greater transcendence I reached while practicing to be closest to the spiritual as I, a die-hard atheist, could get. I felt that the grandeur of nature and expanse of the universe was a higher power, but I couldn’t get behind the idea that the universe would have anything to do with me or want to help me. I felt insignificant in the galaxy, a mote of dust, a sheep, as AA professed.

Lady MacBeth

May 24th is Schizophrenia Awareness Day. In honour of it, we’ve gone purple for the day! Here’s a song, written and performed by Coda Francis, about his experience with schizophrenia.

I hear sirens in my head,
As I’m wide awake, laying on my bed.
The air is thick with the smell of fear and hate.
Clean the carpet from the hypothetical blood stains.

Abilify Quick Facts

Abilify is a second-generation antipsychotic. It works by regulating dopamine, serotonin and norepinephrine levels in the brain.

Are You Afraid of Me?

Do I scare you? Does the way I talk worry you?

I’m not talking about intimidation. I’m tall, and I’ve always been told I’m stronger than I realize – usually just after hurting someone without realizing it, but that’s not what I mean.

My Eating Disorder Saved My Life

I have struggled with identity all my life. One word to describe me, one concept or community that I could cling on to and immerse myself in. Kind, intelligent, giving. Bipolar, female, gay. Of course nothing encapsulated me, described me wholly, no matter how hard I tried to identify. I needed definitions, definitions of me.

Klonopin Quick Facts

Klonopin belongs to the benzodiazepine family of pharmaceuticals (other examples include Xanax, Rohypnol, and Valium, to name a few). Klonopin works as an anxiolytic (antianxiety) drug, typically used in the treatment of anxiety and panic disorders.

Two Months Later

Editor’s note: this is a continuation of Fuck. Schizoaffective?

It’s been two months since my diagnosis. Two months to process the psychosis, the diagnosis. Two months to adjust to new medication.